


Promises Yet to be Fulfilled

by emmabeth



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, M/M, Re-encounter, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 12:29:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12705012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmabeth/pseuds/emmabeth
Summary: Alim, a young elf mage in the Ferelden Circle, falls in love with Cullen Rutherford, a dashing and equally young Templar. Their forbidden love is barely realized before circumstances force the young lovers to part.  After life has left its scars on both of them, will they be able to rekindle the love they once shared?





	1. Valiance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AceQueenKing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/gifts).



> Thank you to my wonderful betas, I could not have done this without your help [Shades_of_Cool](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shades_0f_Cool) and [Static_Velocity](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Static_Velocity) .

Alim Surana shut the book in front of him with a weary sigh. He’d been studying nonstop for the past week and he thought that, at this point, his mind was going to break. Any day now, he was expecting the news that it was time for his Harrowing. It was nerve wracking, always waiting but never sure when it would happen. Alim thought that the Templars probably did it on purpose; just waiting to see if the novices would crack.

He left the library, and headed back toward his room. Normally he didn’t linger there during the day, but he was so exhausted he wanted a chance to rest. He pulled the tie off his shoulder-length brown hair, he preferred leaving his hair down, but it was easier to have it back while studying. Moving down the hallway, Alim ran his hands over the stones, fondly touching each one.

Alim had been in the Circle Tower as long as he could remember. He’d been born in the alienage in Amaranthine, but he couldn’t remember anything about his life there. At age five, he’d been removed from his family and placed in the Circle. All his life belonged to the Tower. Though he’d had no choice in moving to the Circle, Alim loved it here. Of course, there were problems but it was still a lovely home.

“Have you been studying all this time, Surana?” Simeon waved Alim over to a table where he was working. Simeon had been a longtime friend of Alim and passed his Harrowing the year before.

“I want to be ready when the time comes.” Alim sat at Simeon’s table where several other apprentices were busy practicing runes.

“You’ll be fine.” Simeon gave Alim a smile.

Alim’s attention wandered when he saw a group of Templars walking through the room. The sight of the Templars was not uncommon, they watched over the Circle at all times, keeping an eye on the mages. It was not the older two Templars walking through the room that caught Alim’s eye, but the younger man behind them. Cullen.

He hurried behind his superiors, seeming to be getting instruction in something, his expression was focused and thoughtful as always. Unlike the older Templars who looked at the mages coldly though, Cullen’s gaze seemed to be filled with a sort of kindness that Alim loved.

Cullen had only been transferred to the Circle Tower a year ago as a full fledged Templar. Shortly after he’d arrived, a completely wonderful and unexpected friendship had bloomed between him and Alim. It was unusual for Templars and mages to get along well, and almost unheard of for them to become friends. After all, Templars were supposed to watch over the mages, and if they got too close to one they may not be able to carry out their duties. However, despite having been warned about friendship, the two of them had formed a close bond. Alim, listening to Cullen’s woes and helping him deal with his homesickness, Cullen, helping keep Alim out of trouble.

It wasn’t long before the budding friendship blossomed into something even more amazing. Alim smiled to himself, feeling warm down to his toes when he thought of their secret. They were lovers. For almost nine months now they’d promised their love to one another, keeping their relationship secret at all costs. While a friendship might be tolerated, a deeper relationship was forbidden.

The group of Templars made their rounds over to Simeon’s table, looking over the shoulders of all the mages who were working. Everyone turned their eyes down some and focused on their books; the Templars subdued the atmosphere a great deal.

Alim couldn’t keep his focus on the books, he looked up to see a pair of gentle amber eyes watching him.  When their eyes locked, Alim felt warm right down to his toes and the world slowed. They tried not to even acknowledge one another around others, it was too risky. However, their feelings were so strong, that they couldn’t avoid the occasional glance.

Breaking eye contact for a moment, Alim picked up a quill and drew the design for a rune on a paper, glancing back up at the blonde. The amber eyes flicked from Alim’s face to the paper and a light blush formed on his cheeks. He didn’t look back at Alim but left the table, following the other Templars away. Alim smiled a little, scribbling out the rune he’d drawn.

 

Simeon leveled a glare at Alim, “So ‘valiance’? Why’d you draw that rune?”

Alim shrugged, “It’s a good one to learn. And I like the meaning, ‘a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear’.”

Simeon shook his head. “Be careful. Nothing good can come of drawing their attention,” he whispered.

Alim stood up, “I’m not sure I know what you mean.” He left in a huff, ignoring Simeon’s gentle warning.

 

It was the next day when Alim saw the Cullen again. The handsome Templar was walking through the hallway with his fellow Templars, talking with them. Alim waited against the wall for them to pass. Most mages would lower their eyes, not willing to risk drawing the attention of Templars, but Alim’s followed them. They walked past Alim without even looking at him.

As they went down the hall Alim could still hear them talking, “So what’s that new kid’s name? Something like Valiance?” Cullen asked the Templar at his elbow.

“It’s Vincent.” The other Templar replied.

Alim smiled and hugged his arms to his chest and grinned before hurrying down the hallway in the opposite direction of the Templars.

 

Another three days went by and Alim was still busy working on his studies for his impending Harrowing. He moved quickly down the hallways, stepping aside whenever a Templar went past. It was best to stay away from them, trouble could only follow if their eyes lingered. He’d lived long enough to know the abuses that came with their position. However, not all Templars were bad. Alim’s lips turned upward as he thought about a certain curly headed blonde.

Distracted, Alim bumped into the very people he was avoiding. Two huge Templars turned around, their plate mail creaking.

“What do we have here?” The Templars asked each other.

Instantly Alim recognized the bloodshot eyes and twitchy facial muscles. Both of them had been illegally dosing themselves with lyrium. It was completely against the rules but many mages in the Circle traded lyrium for extra privileges; the addicted Templars were usually very happy to accept such a trade. However, it was when Templars were high on lyrium that they usually committed their worst abuses of power.

Alim’s eyes darted around the hallway, unfortunately, it was empty at the moment. No one was coming to rescue him. He’d been in a few sticky spots like this in the past but usually someone came along to rescue him.

“Excuse me, Sirrah.” Alim ducked his head, trying to sneak away.

“Not so fast.” A giant metal-clawed hand grabbed Alim’s shoulder.

“We were just saying a little distraction was what we needed.” The second Templar smirked.

“Let’s take him to the training area.”

The older mages had warned him about this sort of thing happening. Alim closed his eyes, there wasn’t a thing he could do to defend himself, if he used magic that would be enough grounds to make him Tranquil. On the other hand, if he tried to run away and report it, no doubt the Templars would make up a story and get Alim in trouble somehow. He began to panic, praying to the Maker that someone would help him.

“There you are.” A booming voice echoed down the corridor.

Alim opened his eyes and saw a familiar amber-eyed man rushing toward them. It seemed the Maker also supported Cullen and Alim together, he seemed to have bless Cullen for a gift of knowing when Alim would be in trouble.

“Capitan wanted to see you both.” Cullen didn’t acknowledge Alim and spoke to the other Templars.

“The Captain?” The man gripping Alim’s shoulder licked his lips nervously, his bloodshot eyes twitching.

“I knew it was our day to watch the training grounds. Now Capitan is going to be pissed.” The other Templar cursed. “Let’s go quickly.”

The two of them hurried off.

Alim’s rescuer turned on him, his brown eyes were dark with displeasure, “Now as for you mage...” Cullen grabbed the sleeve of Alim’s robe and pulled him down the corridor.

He roughly pushed Alim inside a linen closet and then followed, shutting the door behind him.

“Now, Cullen-” Alim started to explain himself.

Abruptly Cullen pulled him into a rough hug. After a moment, Alim returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around Cullen’s neck. It was pitch black in the closet so it was impossible to see how badly Alim blushed when Cullen kissed his forehead.

“What were you thinking?” Cullen pulled back a little, his voice was full of frustration.

“Well I was distracted and…”

“What if I hadn’t been there, Alim? How many times have I told you to be careful?” Cullen sounded angry but he gently petted Alim’s head while he spoke.

Alim didn’t even want to think about it. Thus far in life he’d been lucky, aside from a couple beatings, he’d avoided any real trouble with the Templars.

Alim smiled as he clung to Cullen, “Thank you for saving me.” From his position against Cullen, Alim could feel Cullen’s chest positively swell with pride.

“I’ll always save you.” Cullen promised.

Alim smiled, he touched Cullen’s face blindly in the dark, “I love you, Cullen.” He whispered, even here in private those words were still so fresh and new, though he’d said them dozens of times, the novelty of loving and being loved hadn’t worn off.

Cullen also put a gentle hand on Alim’s face, tracing Alim’s lips with the pad of his thumb. “I love you so much, Alim,” he promised solemnly before he claimed Alim’s lips in a kiss.

Alim responded with a happy hum in his throat, kissing back his Templar. He slid his fingers through Cullen’s soft curls, loving the feel of them under his hands. When Cullen licked the seam of Alim’s lips with a tentative tongue, Alim’s toes curled in his shoes. He opened his mouth for Cullen, moaning softly when Cullen put a hand on the back of his head to pull him into a deeper kiss.

They pulled apart panting, here in the dark they were in their own world. Alim wished that they could be together longer, but they were already at great risk, every moment that passed they could be discovered and the consequences of a mage and Templar together like this didn’t bear thinking about. A few stolen kisses and few words of promise were all they could risk.

“Be good,” Cullen teased, kissing Alim one last time.

“And you be careful.” Alim reluctantly let go of Cullen.

“Valiance.” Cullen said softly. It was their code word, a private term for them both. A way to always say ‘I love you, though we can’t be together now’. Someday, maybe things would change and they would be able to have more than these moments together. Until then, they always had that word at least.

“Valiance.” Alim agreed.

Cullen sighed and opened the door first, slipping out of the closet and checking for signs of anyone in the hall before letting Alim come out.

They parted ways without a word or look, it was the hardest part for Alim. His face was red and his lips felt tingly, he thought it must be written all over his face that he’d been with his lover.

Alim tried to tone down his blush as he walked through the training room where Wynne was working. She was a surrogate mother to many of the young mages and she’d always been kind to Alim. However, if she caught any wind of what was happening with Cullen she would probably go straight to the First Enchanter.

He snuck through the workroom and almost made it to his sleeping quarters before he heard a familiar woman call his name.

“Alim.” A stern voice repeated herself.

“Really not my day.” Alim muttered with a sigh as he turned around, “Well hello, Wynne. How are you today?”

She gave Alim a stern look from head to toe, “I’m doing well, what about you? I heard you’ve been studying hard lately.”

Oh right, studying. “Well I keep hoping that it will help me when the time comes.”

Wynne smiled and put a comforting hand on Alim’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine dear. You are a very talented mage.”

Alim smiled at the praise, it was very nice to be recognized by an enchanter like Wynne.

 

In the middle of the night a week later, they came for him. Alim’s superiors and a few Templars took him up to the Harrowing room. Alim’s hands shook with nervousness, he couldn’t afford to not pass his Harrowing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cullen in the Harrowing Chamber and Alim’s heart began to pound. Seeing Cullen there, though Cullen could make no special notice of him, made Alim have the confidence to succeed that night.


	2. A Forbidden Night

The next time he saw Cullen in the hallway, he looked shaken and when Cullen saw Alim, he motioned him over. It was surprising, ever since they’d started their relationship Cullen had been a lot more circumspect, not even daring to speak to Alim in public.

“How are you?” Cullen asked urgently.

“I’m fine. The Harrowing was a challenge but nothing I couldn’t handle. What’s wrong?” Alim couldn’t resist touching a hand to Cullen’s pale face.

Cullen leaned into Alim’s touch, covering the hand with his own. “Since I’m the youngest, they chose me to be the one who struck the killing blow in case you didn’t pass,” he said, not able to make eye contact with Alim.

Alim sighed, even more thankful he’d been able to pass his test. He leaned close to Cullen putting his other arm around Cullen’s waist. “I’m sorry. You must have been worried.”

Cullen let out a shaky breath, “I love you so much, I knew you wouldn’t fail your test. I knew you had to succeed because we were meant to be together.”

Alim smiled and pulled Cullen down for a quick kiss. “How could I fail when you are beside me?”

Cullen kissed him back happily. He pulled back and ran a hand through Alim’s brown hair. “Alim, I have a question to ask you.” The blonde looked as if he was almost blushing.

Alim smiled, trying not to giggle at Cullen’s blushing face, “You know you can ask me anything.”

Cullen blushed even deeper. “I was thinking… That is, I was hoping… What I wanted to ask you…” He stammered, looking at the top of Alim’s head, unable to make eye contact.

This time Alim couldn’t hold back his giggle. “It must be something pretty indecent to make you stammer like this,” he teased.

Cullen turned a violent shade of red and his mouth hung open in astonishment. Alim couldn’t help but blush himself when he realized he’d inadvertently hit the nail on the head. He looked down while his mind raced. It wasn’t like he’d never thought of it, but, the risk was too great. In the time they’d been together they had already and had been caught twice by Alim’s friends. His friends had promised not to tell, but the gossip about a possible relationship had spread among other mages. If they took the relationship further they ran an even greater risk and penalty.

However, Alim couldn’t deny that he wanted to be closer. He had been trying hard not to even hope for such a thing to happen.

Gathering his courage, he brushed a couple curls off Cullen’s face. “Cullen?”

“Yes?” Cullen was still right red.

“Will you come to my room tonight?” Alim had wanted to sound smooth but it came out rather squeaky.

“Of course. Yes! Please. If that’s okay…” Cullen was even more flustered, if that was possible.

Alim smiled at him, “Of course it’s okay. I want to be with you.”

Cullen kissed him abruptly and pulled back quickly. “Okay, tonight then. I’ll come by as soon as it’s safe.”

Alim nodded, “I’ll be waiting.”

Cullen kissed him again and then pulled away, running off down the corridor.

 

Wynne caught Alim as he headed to his new room for the first time, “I need to speak with you, Surana.”

Oh dear, that was a bad sign, Alim thought with a frown. Though it was common to call one another by surnames in the Circle, Wynne never called him by his surname.

“What’s wrong, Wynne?”

Wynne entered the room and shut the door after Alim followed him in. “I thought I should warn you about that young Templar.”

Alim went pale when she spoke, this is what he’d been most afraid of. “Wynne… I don’t know what you’ve heard but…”

Wynne held up her hand, stopping Alim, “I have only heard that the young Templar Cullen is infatuated with you and you might not be indifferent.”

Well at least she hadn’t heard the worst, Alim felt almost relieved, if Wynne had heard more she would have said so.

“I should not have to warn you about this, child, but I am going to remind you. Do not attract the attention of the Templars. Any relationship with them is forbidden.”

“Wynne…” Alim wasn’t sure how he was going to defend himself but he wanted to try.

“It’s for the best, child. I know you think it can bring no real harm but it could be the undoing of you both. Do you understand?”

Alim nodded, he knew that there were dangers. However, Wynne couldn’t understand that their love was the kind that couldn’t be stopped, no matter what the rules said.

Wynne looked somewhat comforted and helped Alim set up his new room.

 

It was the first time in his life he was allowed to have his own bedroom. It felt too large, cold and impersonal. As soon as Alim was alone he wanted to go back, to be surrounded by the sounds of a dozen other people. Normally, he couldn’t wait to be alone, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to sleep on his own. A real luxury was his own bath however, and that was something Alim intended to enjoy to its fullest.

He took extra care bathing, he was already nervous about tonight, scrubbing his skin until he was red. He had a cursory knowledge of what he was getting into tonight. Anders, who had escaped years ago, had been a friend of Alim, and told him things that had made the younger man blush. Tonight, he was thankful for everything Anders had told him.

Hesitantly in the bath, Alim touched himself. Wanking off in the bath was strictly forbidden in the dormitories, so whatever someone had to do, it needed to be done in one’s own bunk. Alim had never touched himself in the back, but Ander’s had assured him that is was all right once someone got used to it.

Using soaping fingers he probed his hole, the skin was sensitive and felt tingly and good, before he could work up the courage to insert a finger he heart a knock on his door. Alim flinched in embarrassment as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

Cullen opened the door that Alim had left unlocked for him, in case he had to slide in quickly and couldn’t wait for Alim to answer the door. Feeling shy, Alim covered his chest with his hands hid his lower half by pulling his knees up some.

“Sorry to just barge in but I was worried someone might have heard my knock.” Cullen saw Alim in the small bathtub, his jaw dropped, and he turned around, his back to Alim. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you would be…”

Alim lowered the hands he’d been covering himself with. He was terribly embarrassed but he had to chuckle. “I suppose it’s silly to be so shy when you’re here to see it all anyway.”

Cullen turned, trying to argue but he caught another sight of Alim and he turned back around. “It’s not like that... I just want to be with you and we don’t have to... And it’s your bath so it’s not like I should…” Cullen was reduced to babbling again.

Alim smiled, his chest swelling with emotion. Cullen really was the kindest and most gentle man that Alim could have hoped to fall in love with. “Cullen?”

“Yes?” Came the quiet response.

“I forgot my drying cloth,” Alim admitted. He’d left it on the other side of the room, forgetting to bring it to the tub with him.  

Cullen made a sort of strangled moan sound and he went across the room to grab the white cloth laying on top of the dresser. Alim watched him, he’d rarely seen Cullen out of his armor, the Templars had to be in full armor at all times while on duty. He was very handsome out of his armor Alim thought, his muscled body was shown to advantage in his sleeping clothes.

Keeping his eyes up and not looking at Alim, Cullen marched back across the room and stiffly held out the cloth.

Alim stood up in the tub, the warm water running off his body. He took the towel from Cullen and dried off his hair before wrapping the towel around himself.

Cullen had retreated, looking at the few items on Alim’s bookshelf, he hadn’t taken so much as a peek.

“Well, I admire your focus Cullen.” Alim smiled.

“I didn’t want to presume.” Cullen cleared his throat.

Alim bit his lip, if he left this to Cullen they might be stuck on opposite sides of the room until morning and they would be caught for sure.

“Would you give me a hand stepping out? I don’t want to slip on the floor,” Alim asked shyly.

Cullen glanced over at Alim, amber eyes flashing as his long legs quickly crossed the room. He smiled a little, seeing that Alim was trying. He held out his hand, Alim reached to take it, lifting his leg to step out of the bath. However, Cullen simply swept Alim up in his arms, picking him up and carrying him to the bed.

He plopped both of them on the bed, Cullen’s larger body slightly crushing Alim but not in a way that Alim found unpleasant.

They looked at each other for a moment, both blushing furiously before they started laughing. Cullen lifted himself up onto his elbows after a moment, “Am I hurting you?”

Alim shook his head and he wrapped his arms around Cullen’s body. “No. I’m not that fragile, you know.” He tried to give Cullen a serious look but they both ended up laughing again.

Cullen caressed Alim’s face, his laughter fading. “Yes you are.” He kissed Alim’s forehead. “You’re my fragile,” A kiss to the cheekbone. “beautiful,” A kiss on his chin. “lovely,” A kiss on his pointed ear. “mage lover.” Finally, he kissed Alim’s lips very gently.

Alim covered his face with his hands in embarrassment. “Cullen!”

“What?” Cullen laughed, pulling Alim’s hands away from his face. “It’s true.”

Alim smiled, his heart pounding; Cullen wasn’t a man of many words but he had a way of being able to make Alim positively melt sometimes.

He kissed Cullen, tangling his fingers in the soft curls of Cullen’s hair. It was a luxury to be able to kiss slowly like this. Cullen slid one hand down Alim’s side, his large hands caressing Alim’s ribcage.

Hesitantly, Alim lifted the bottom of Cullen’s shirt, pulling it up. Cullen got up on his knees and pulled his shirt off completely, dropping it carelessly on the floor. Alim’s mouth went dry at the sight of the beautiful sculpted muscles of Cullen’s chest.

“Is it really ok? Because if you don’t want to…” Cullen leaned down to kiss Alim again.

“Ouch!” Alim cried out, Cullen had put it hand down on Alim’s damp hair, pulling it hard.

“What’s wrong?”

“My hair!”

“Sorry, are you ok?” Cullen got back on his knees again.

Alim rubbed his head a little, wondering how much hair exactly Cullen had ripped out. He smiled though and wiggled around until he could be on his knees as well. Even so, he was shorter than Cullen. “I’m fine. And yes. We are definitely doing this tonight.”

Cullen chuckled nervously, “I really want to; I just don’t want to force you.”

Alim wrapped his arms around Cullen’s waist and took a bite of the delicious collarbone in front of his face. Cullen gasped when Alim bit him, sounding a little surprised but also a little pleased.

“You aren’t.” Alim assured Cullen, putting his arms around Cullen’s neck. “And if you can’t take control, maybe I need to be the one to show you how it’s done.” Using all his strength, he pushed Cullen down onto the bed so that Cullen way laying under Alim.

Cullen looked astonished but chuckled. “Oh yes? How are you going to do that?” He challenged, his hands resting on Alim’s bare hips, the drying cloth lying useless between them.

Alim blushed a little when Cullen called his bluff. “Well…” He hesitated for a moment before he sat up on Cullen’s chest, “I can’t be the only one naked right?” He asked, his voice shaking a little.

He scooted down on the bed preparing to take Cullen’s pants off. Cullen took the drying cloth dropped it on the floor. Alim focused on undoing the fastens of Cullen’s trousers, hardly noticing he was totally naked now.

Finally, his shaking hands cooperated and could slide the pants off, revealing that Cullen, interestingly enough, didn’t wear small clothes.

“So you don’t wear small clothes?” Alim asked, blatantly staring at a naked Cullen.

“Not usually.” Cullen admitted.

Alim giggled, looking up at Cullen, “You know I’m never going to look at you the same.”

Cullen sat up pulling Alim close for a kiss, “Shush you.”

Alim threw Cullen’s pants on the floor with the other clothes, a small cool object fell out of Cullen’s garments, hitting Alim’s leg.

“What’s this?” It was a small vial full of a pinkish liquid.

“That’s for you.” Cullen tried to grab the vial.

“For me?” Alim held it out of Cullen’s grasp. Cullen might be stronger, but Alim was definitely quicker. “What is it though?” He smiled.

Cullen made another lunge for the vial but Alim retreated further across the bed. “It’s for you… for tonight.” Cullen was flushed again.

Alim examined the vial again, “Do I drink it? What does it do?”

Cullen took advantage of Alim’s distraction to grab the vial, his hand closing around Alim’s. “It’s…” He leaned close, whispering in Alim’s ear, “It’s lubrication for your hole, so it doesn’t hurt you.” He leaned back.

Alim blushed hard, feeling embarrassed that he hadn’t realized what it was. Anders had said something about lubrication, but that had been vague and Alim hadn’t really listened.

“I took it from some of the other Templars.” Cullen continued.

Recovering from his embarrassment Alim smiled, feeling a surge of affection for the blonde who had thought so carefully about tonight.

He moved to the headboard and sat against it, his knees pulled up to his chest. Cullen followed with a smile on his face.

“I love you.” Cullen smiled. They kissed for a moment Cullen kneeling in front of Alim, his hands rubbing Alim’s face.

Shyly, Alim opened his legs for Cullen. The blonde gave him a comforting smile and sat between Alim’s knees. He flipped open the hinged lid and a little of the liquid oozed out onto his fingers, it looked sticky and smelled of strawberries. Cullen closed the lid and set the rest of the vial aside for now.

Alim’s cock twitched as Cullen looked at him hungrily. Gently, the blonde touched Alim’s length, his slick fingers staring at the base and rubbing down to the tip. Alim scooted his hips further forward some so Cullen could continue his exploration, caressing Alim’s smooth balls before slipping further back still.  

Even though Aim had touched himself back there earlier, he still gasped at the feeling of Cullen’s fingers probing him.

“Are you okay?” Cullen asked with a concerned frown.

“Yeah, it’s just strange. Don’t stop.” He gave Cullen a brave smile and parted his legs further.

Cullen bit his lip as he worked, massaging the outside of Alim’s hole before tentatively sliding a finger inside. Alim gasped at the feeling, it felt tight and somewhere between odd and unpleasant. When Cullen tried to add a second finger, Alim winced in pain.

“Sorry.” Cullen pulled his fingers back, “I’m not doing well.”

Alim chuckled, “We’re both just nervous.” He pulled Cullen in for a kiss.

Cullen kissed him, their mouths growing fevered for more. Alim suddenly began to feel quite warm in the room he’d thought was cold only a short while ago.

They pulled away for air, panting, a thin trail of saliva connecting their mouths.

“The book wasn’t as clear as I hoped it would be.” Cullen muttered.

“Book?” Alim asked confused, but not really focused as he nibbled at Cullen’s strong chin.

Cullen blushed, “Well I did do a little research.” He muttered.

Alim giggled, “Did you bring the book with you?”

“Of course not!”

“Too bad, I want to read it as well.” Alim teased.

Cullen chuckled, “I can’t allow that to happen.”

Alim opened his mouth in surprise, “Why?”

“Because I would be too embarrassed thinking about you reading some of those things.” Cullen blushed a little before they broke into another round of laughter.

Cullen kissed him again, the laugher melting like sugar in their mouths.

Putting a little more liquid on his fingers Cullen started fingering Alim again. This time his fingers made Alim tremble with unfamiliar sensations of pleasure. Cullen kissed Alim’s neck, whispering sweet things as he attempted to slide a second finger inside Alim again.

“You have to relax.” Cullen prodded.

Alim bit the top of Cullen’s round ear, “Easy for you to say!” Alim was starting to think that the whole thing might be a mistake when Cullen brushed something inside that made Alim bow his spine in a jolt of pleasure.

Cullen chuckled a little, clearly pleased with himself. He rubbed near that spot, finally able to slide a second finger inside, “You’re doing good.” Cullen murmured, kissing Alim’s damp skin.

“What are you doing in there?” Alim clenched Cullen’s shoulders, he was trembling with pleasure now.

“Does it feel good?” Cullen asked hopefully.

Alim nodded a little as he trembled. It still hurt somewhat, but it also felt good and to new and strange to really focus on a single feeling. Cullen slid a third finger inside while kissing Alim’s lips, distracting him from the additional stretch. Alim’s strangled cry was lost in Cullen’s mouth.

“Alim?” Cullen’s voice was strained, “Do you think you’re ready? I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Alim nodded, though honestly he had no idea if he was ready, but he couldn’t wait another moment to be connected. “It’s okay.” Alim agreed.

Cullen kissed him in quick thanks. He pulled Alim down the bed some so that Alim could lay on his back. Alim hadn’t noticed but Cullen was already quite hard, his cock having grown a great deal larger than it had been the last time Alim had looked. Cullen took the vial of liquid and drained the rest, pouring along his standing member, dribbling the last drops on Alim.

“I love you.” Alim repeated nervously while Cullen posited himself against Alim’s hole.

“I love you so much.” Cullen promised, kissing Alim roughly before he gently rolled his hips into Alim.

Alim tried to breathe out and relax to make it easier for Cullen, it was difficult but at last, Cullen was fully sheathed inside of Alim’s body.

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked, whole body tight, fighting the urge to move.

Alim didn’t have any idea if he was alright. He felt stretched and almost torn open, yet somehow it didn’t feel terrible, it was good but not as good as had had been. The overriding thought was that he was finally connected to Cullen, for the rest of their lives they would have this moment. In that thought alone Alim had enough joy to carry him through whatever came their way.

He wrapped his arms around Cullen’s shoulder’s that were damp with sweat and clung to him. “I’ll be fine.” He promised, refusing to give up now.

Cullen started to move, keeping his motions slow and long. He was supporting himself on his strong arms above Alim, giving Alim a perfect view of their joining bodies. After the movements became more comfortable, Alim wrapped his legs around Cullen’s waist.

“It’s okay now.” He said breathlessly.

Cullen groaned in relief and began moving in earnest, pounding his hips hard into Alim. Alim had no choice but to cling to Cullen, rolling in waves of pleasure as Cullen made love to him.

It wasn’t long before Alim felt the inevitable pull of his orgasm, he tried to warn Cullen but all that came out of his mouth was a long moan. Cullen cursed, feeling it as well, his steady rhythm fell out of sync. The two climaxed together, Cullen filling Alim with his seed. Alim was already lost to his own pleasure and hardly noticed the sensation of the hot fluid filling him up inside.

Cullen collapsed next to Alim, Alim’s legs still wrapped around him.

They lay together quietly, both of them panting and enjoying their descents back to Thedas. Cullen recovered first, kissing Alim’s lips lightly, a wide smile on his face. Alim smiled back at him and they dissolved into another bout of soft laughter. It had been so good and slightly scary, Alim was wonderfully happy they’d finally experienced love in it’s greatest form. A few tears slipped from Alim’s eyes while they laughed together until he was crying in earnest.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Cullen suddenly noticed the tears and was concerned at once.

“Nothing,” Alim tried to explain, he really had no idea why he was suddenly crying, “I’m just so happy.” He buried his face in Cullen’s neck. “Really, I’m so happy to be in love with you and make love with you.”

Cullen pulled Alim close, “You’re sure it’s not because I hurt you?”

Alim laughed, “Of course. You’d never hurt me.”

Cullen stroked Alim’s hair, “Not on purpose. I was rough with you though. I tried to be gentle, I promise.”

“It was great. Really.” Alim looked up, his tears finally stopping.

Cullen brushed the remaining tears away from Alim’s eyes. “It was everything I ever dreamed.” He grinned, “No, it was better.”

Alim smiled, kissing him gently.

Cullen sighed happily, “I love you, for the rest of our lives I will always love you.” His vow was quiet, his eyes half closed and Alim knew that Cullen meant it.

Alim smiled at Cullen as he began to doze, watching his lover sleep filled Alim with such joy. Sadly, he didn’t let Cullen fall deeply asleep before he prodded him.

“You can’t stay, dearest.” Alim poked him gently in the ribs.

Cullen groaned but sat up without quarreling. “Somehow, sometime, I will figure out a way to spend a whole night with you.” He promised with a kiss before he got off the bed.

Alim smiled, he was already growing cold without Cullen’s warmth. He slid under his blankets, watching Cullen clean himself up and dress. It was a pretty promise and if it was anyone besides Cullen, Alim would have doubted them, but he knew Cullen would find a way.

“Be careful getting back,” Alim reminded him.

Cullen gave him a grin, “I have a plan. Take it easy tomorrow.”

Alim blushed, he could already feel a slight ache in his lower body. “I’ll be fine.”

Cullen gave him one last kiss before heading to the door. His hand on the handle he whispered a final ‘goodnight’ before sneaking out into the dark and shutting the door behind him.

Alim laid down to sleep, feeling achy but deliriously happy with his lot in life.


	3. Choices Have Consequences

Jowan pulled Alim aside the next day, asking for a favor.

“I need to get my phylactery. They are going to make me Tranquil.” Jowan was desperately explaining.

“They wouldn’t do that to you.” Alim refused to believe it was possible.

“It is possible and they will do it. You have to help me.” Jowan demanded.

Alim hesitated, of course, he didn’t want his friend made Tranquil, but if Alim helped and was discovered he would undoubtedly be punished in ways he preferred not to think about.

Jowan shook his head, “I didn’t want to do this.” He sighed, “Listen Alim, I saw him last night, heading toward and away from your room.”

For the first time in his life, an ice-cold chill of fear gripped Alim’s heart.

“I will trade that information for my life. You have to help me or I can go to the Templars.”

Alim’s mouth was suddenly dry, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His old friend betraying him like this? One look in Jowan’s eyes was all it took and Alim knew, Jowan would do it, he’d sell Cullen and Alim for himself. Alim didn’t care about himself in that moment, but he couldn’t let Cullen be brought down by Jowan’s blackmail. Alim bit his lip and made his choice, if it was in his power to do so, he had to protect Cullen. If he was caught, at least it wouldn’t come back on Cullen.

“Alright.” Alim nodded, “I understand. I’ll help you.”

 

Alim was discovered, he stood surrounded by Templars and was glad for once that Cullen wasn’t around. He didn’t want Cullen to see him now, see him like this.

Alim was only distantly aware of the First Enchanter bargaining for his life, giving Alim to the Grey Wardens.

“You are to leave Circle Tower immediately.” The Knight Captain commanded.

Alim suddenly became aware of the conversation. His heart seized, he couldn’t be forced to leave. What about Cullen? When would be meet Cullen again? He need time at least, time to say goodbye, time to make a plan to meet again, time to explain his actions.

Alim looked around the stern faces, hoping to find a ray of hope that he could have a small allowance of time. However, from their expressions, he didn’t dare ask. Better to stay silent and not drag Cullen into any mess. Surely, at some future date Alim would be able to see Cullen again. Cullen would wait for him, he would understand and he would be here waiting.

 

Duncan climbed into the boat, assuming that Alim would follow. Alim hesitated, getting in the boat would be the last step. His entire life, all that he could remember of it, belonged to this island. Thinking of Cullen gave him the courage to take the next step. Cullen would undoubtedly encourage him to do his best. With a deep breath, Alim climbed into the boat. He gripped onto each edge of the little boat in fear of his life the whole way across the lake.

Duncan laughed when they reached the other side. “Your first trial is over young mage. There are far worse to come. Better find your courage.”

 

Lothering was a depressed place, Alim thought as his companions sat around their fire that night. Alistair looked sad again, no doubt thinking of Duncan. Morrigan’s face was impassive as always. Leliana was strumming away on her lute, seemingly unaware of the rest of them. Sten sat stony faced, still a frightening giant, Alim thought. Rufus, Alim’s new mabari, was asleep, rolled on his back and kicking his feet in a dream. None of them seemed very interested in the town they were leaving in the morning. Alim hadn’t been able to forget everything he’d seen in the village, so much of it was new to him.

It had only been a short while since Alim had left the Circle and yet it felt like a lifetime. He felt as if he’d grown ten years older, his new experiences and heartbreaks had already changed him. So much now about his life before seemed as if it had been a sweet dream rather than reality. Except for Cullen. Cullen remained clear and pure in Alim’s mind. His first thought was how badly he wanted to return to the Circle and set things right with Cullen.

For the first time however, Alim felt nervous about returning. He was able to see now how close he’d come to disaster and the Knight Captain nor the First Enchanter would be happy to see him anytime soon.

“Let’s go to Orzammar. None of us know much about the Dwarves, they are a large unknown compared to the other forces we need to gather.” Alim decided at last, speaking around the quiet campfire.

Everyone quietly agreed, none of them having a strong preference for heading one direction or the other.

Cullen would have to wait, but Alim was sure he would. Wherever he went and however long it took, Cullen would wait for him.

 

The party rushed to Circle Tower, desperate for the aid of the mages to help poor Connor.

“I thought you’d be happier to head back to your home.” Leliana smiled.

They sat around the campfire together, taking a quiet meal. They were all tired, going from fighting that morning to hurrying along the road that very afternoon.

“I am happy! It’s just complicated.” Alim sighed. It had been a whole year. Without knowing it, an entire year had slipped by since he’d left Circle Tower.

So much had changed in that year. Alim had changed so much. He no longer looked at his life in the tower in the idyllic way he had before. It was easier to see now, what had felt comforting before, he now recognized as chains. What had been frustrating but not terrible, he now saw as bars of the prison. All the gilding of his life had been stripped away slowly as Alim had experienced the world. His entire opinion of the Tower and Templars and all of it had changed. He’d learned a great deal on their travels, and everything he’d learned had changed in in some way. Exploring Orzammar, meeting the Dalish, along with everything in between, a whole new world had opened to Alim.

The only thing that Alim was sure of was Cullen. No matter what had happened Alim had kept Cullen in his mind. Yes, he realized now that the two of them had been almost painfully naive about life. However, what they had between them was undoubtedly pure love, true affection and understanding. Time may have changed Alim and his feelings about everything else. His love for Cullen was something he never doubted.

Somehow, though, he felt nervous about seeing Cullen again. He was both parts eager and nervous. Alim couldn’t help but wonder how much Cullen had changed. Yet, he didn’t doubt that whatever changes happened to them, nothing would have changed between them.

“Yes, I’m very happy.” He amended, smiling into the fire. It would be good to see Cullen, to be held in his arms once more.

 

 

The tower was going to be annulled. Alim was disgusted by the Knight Captain’s choice.

“I’ll save the tower myself!” Alim declared. It was the least he could do. The Tower was home after all, all the mages and even the Templars on the other side of the doors couldn’t be condemned because the Knight Captain was busy covering his ass.

The further they got into the tower, the more Alim worried. He had yet to see Cullen and that could be a good sign or a very bad one. Wynne had assured Alim that Cullen was still at the tower and, as far as she knew, he was well. However, she of course couldn’t say how he’d fared since the demons had taken over.

Just before the entrance to the top of the Tower they saw a barrier spell, protecting a single Templar. Instantly, Alim recognized those blonde curls.

“Cullen!” He called eagerly.

“No!” Cullen glanced up and then dropped his head in his hands again. “Not this vision again! I know what you are! I will stay strong.”

Alim was taken aback. “Cullen? Don’t you recognize me?”

“Only too well! How far they must have delved into my thoughts.” His voice was scratchy from dryness. His face looked bruised and large bags under his eyes indicated that it had been a long time since he’d slept.

Wynne put a hand on Alim’s shoulder. “He’s exhausted. He’s probably been battling demons all this time.”

Alim’s heart wept to see Cullen so distraught. “We are here to help, Cullen.”

“Stop!” Cullen fell to his knees, head in his hands. “If anything about you is real, then please kill me now. End this pain.”

Leliana sighed sadly. “He is absolutely delirious from torture. I know the signs well enough.” She unslung a skin of water from her belt, “Here,” she held it out to Cullen, “Take this.”

“Don’t touch me!” Cullen recoiled from her.

“Cullen…” Alim’s voice was choked; he couldn’t believe Cullen had been hurt so much.

Cullen’s wide, bloodshot eyes turned on Alim. “You! They keep sifting through my thoughts. Showing me images of you. Tempting me with your face. Something I always wanted and had very briefly. It was wrong, it was my greatest shame. He is my shame and they use it against me. My ill-advised infatuation with a mage of all _things_. I’m so tired of these cruel jokes. Be gone!”

Alim stumbled, taken aback by Cullen’s rage. Alim tried to rationalize Cullen’s anger, he’d been through so much in the past few days. However, a sharp pain from his heart was drowning out Alim’s rational voice.

Cullen blinked several times. “You’re still here? I close my eyes and you are still here?”

“I’m here Cullen. I’m really here. How could you say those things to me?” Alim’s voice trembled. He wanted Cullen to admit that it was just anger, he didn’t really feel that way.

“I am beyond caring what you think! The Maker knows my sin and I pray he will forgive me. It was the naive fancy of a foolish boy. I know better now. You are a mage and I am a Templar. It is my duty to oppose all that you are!”

Alim’s heart was breaking with every word Cullen spoke. He couldn’t stop the tears that started pouring from his eyes. Cullen’s hatred of mages was something that he’d never known Cullen possessed. It could simply be the anger of the moment of course, but Alim wasn’t sure. Perhaps Cullen had always felt this way about mages and only been accepting Alim in spite of his magic and not fully comfortable with having a mage lover. Cullen wasn’t just rejecting his relationship with Alim, he rejected everything that Alim was.

“But why have you returned to the Tower? How have you survived?” Cullen asked, uncaring of Alim’s tears.

Alistair stepped in, “We are here to save the tower. We have killed the demons.”

“This is our home, Cullen.” Wynne spoke gently.

“As it was mine! But look what they have done to it! They deserve to die! They caged us like animals and now I am the only one left.”

“I am sorry, Cullen.” Wynne said sadly.

Alim choked a little, a sob catching in his throat. He didn’t know if he was crying because of Cullen’s words or because of the pain Cullen was in. Cullen had changed so much, the things he must have been through hurt Alim to think of.

“And to think I once thought we were too hard on you! No doubt more of his wicked influence upon me.”

That comment was a slap in the face to Alim. He suddenly remembered that this was all so much bigger than him and Cullen. “We need to get moving. The First Enchanter will know how to free you.” Alim said trying to wipe the tears from his face. Nothing could be gained from staying here. They only had a limited time to save the tower.

“You must kill everyone up there! Everyone in the Harrowing circle must die!” Cullen shouted frantically.

“I will not kill innocents.” Alim said seriously, drawing himself up, his tears drying.

“No one will listen until it’s too late. Your compassion will doom us all!” Cullen shouted after them.

 

Alim finally stood before the Knight Captain with the First Enchanter as proof that the Tower was clear. Cullen was still ranting, insisting that all the mages were blood mages.

Alim could hardly bear to hear the words from Cullen’s mouth. He forgave Cullen for everything he had said, clearly he was out of his mind in pain right now. If Alim had his way, he would have stayed and helped Cullen heal. However, that was the Alim from before. He knew all too well that he needed to move forward. All of Ferelden and even Thedas, was threatened by the Blight. The problems of two people paled in comparison.

Before he left the Tower, Alim turned for one last look of Cullen. Cullen was still ranting at the Knight Commander, trying to explain his case. He didn’t register Alim anymore. Alim said a silent prayer for Cullen before leaving the Tower.

 

The war was over and his time in Amaranthine done. For the first time in years, Alim was free to choose his own way. Of course, he was still a Warden and the Warden’s wouldn’t hesitate to call on him. However, after the ugly business with the Architect, the Warden’s weren’t entirely sorry to let Alim go his own way for a while.

Not for the first time, Alim thought of Cullen. He hadn’t seen Cullen since that time at the Circle and he doubted Cullen had even been enough in his mind to really recognize Alim. Despite his rationalizing of Cullen’s situation, Alim had been heartbroken. Cullen’s words had stripped the last of his innocence away.

Time had healed him somewhat, yet he still thought of Cullen often and always with a pain in his heart. He could go now and try to meet Cullen again. Maybe Cullen hadn’t really meant those words, he’d just said anything to stop the pain he’d been in. However, now that Alim had seen more of the world, he suspected that Cullen might have really meant it. He was right, Templar and Mage had no business together. Cullen had his vows and duties and Alim was on the other side of them.

No, Alim decided he wouldn’t seek Cullen out. He would never stop hoping that Cullen could find happiness. However, Alim needed to seek out a new path in life and abandon the rosy romance of his youth.


	4. Meeting Again

Twelve years had passed since the end of the Blight. It didn’t seem like that long to Alim. Every day there were new challenges and new adventures that kept him busy. He spent a good deal of his time with either Morrigan or Avernus trying to find a sort of cure for the Calling. The research was promising, thankfully. Alim wasn’t ready to leave this life anytime soon, there was far too much to be done.

Sadly, he wasn’t surprised to hear of Anders’ actions. Anders had always been full of anger and apparently merging with Justice had been his undoing. However, Alim knew that if it hadn’t been Anders it would have been some other mage. The Circles were a system that had to end and there was too much bad blood between mages and Templars to find an easy solution.

Leliana was trying to track Alim down, Morrigan helpfully passed along word. They wanted him at some sort of Conclave with the mages and Templars that the Divine was hosting. Alim laughed a little and disappeared, hiding from both his old friends. He didn’t have time for such things. New heroes would arise and sort things out. Alim’s time of being an important figure had long passed.

 

A second letter from Leliana arrived; the Inquisition was now in the mountains at the old fortress of Skyhold. They’d become a true power since the Battle at Adamant and saving the Empress at the Winter Palace. Yet somehow, they just HAD to have the approval of the Hero of Ferelden before they could continue.

Alim debated going to the Inquisition, he had his own goals and his own plans still, and spending time politicking had never been his strong point. However, he had been alone for many years now. Moreover, he was being chased by enemies once again. It would be nice to have friends and a place where he could find a little shelter. If he needed to exchange some of that for a small public appearance, it would surely be a small price to pay.

Cullen was leader of the Inquisition forces. Alim had followed Cullen’s career out of nothing more than idle interest, or at least that is what he tied to convince himself of. He’d paid attention to the news as Cullen climbed to the Knight Captain of Kirkwall and now the leader of a possibly heretical movement.

Every time Alim heard the news of Cullen, he listened closely. The pain he’d felt had faded long ago. Now he remembered the pleasant times with fondness and was able to shut out their last encounter.

 

Alim slipped into Skyhold with some pilgrims appallingly easily. If Cullen was in charge of the guard here, he should be embarrassed, Alim thought with a laugh.

Alim spent an hour or so exploring Skyhold, he had learned how to avoid attention but his skills seemed unnecessary here. Not a single soul questioned the elf walking around the exterior of the building, or the basement, or the throne room, or the library.

He saw a tall red headed human who must be the Inquisitor in the library flirting openly with a Tevinter magister by the looks of him. Alim chuckled and left them in peace. It must be nice, he thought with a wistful sigh, to be so young and in love.

Alim was taking a walk out on the battlement when he heard a voice booming orders. The broad shouldered man was bossing around a few guardsmen before brushing past them and into a tower.

Though his voice had dropped some, and he was much larger than Alim remembered, he was sure he had just seen Cullen. It had only been an instant but Alim felt a rogue fluttering of his heart that belied his uninterested attitude in his former lover.

Alim couldn’t fight his feet as they hurried after Cullen. The two guards who’d just been scolded walked past Alim complaining of Commander Cullen’s prickly attitudes about using a shield properly. Alim smiled, Cullen must have really come into his own, he’d always been prickly but he seldom had been able to put two sentences together.

Alim’s fingers hesitated on the latch to the door, he couldn’t catch his breath because of nervousness. What would Cullen say? What was there to even say? Alim let go of the latch and took a step backwards. No, he should go. Better to meet Cullen in front of others where it would be less awkward in case Cullen rejected him. Alim frowned at the thought of Cullen rejecting him and he reached for the latch again. Maybe a quick introduction would be better, get it out of the way if it was going to be awkward.

 

He opened the latch, stepping into the room and letting his eyes adjust. The room seemed to be Cullen’s sort of office, a large desk and papers were strewn everywhere. Cullen stood, still in his armor and fur coat, reading a report at the window.

“Yes? What is it?” Cullen asked, not glancing up from his report. Alim hadn’t made a sound when he’d entered, Cullen’s training really had paid off for him.

Alim was suddenly unable to say anything, he stepped into the room praying that Cullen recognized him. It had suddenly occurred to Alim that Cullen may have forgotten entirely about his folly from years ago.

With an exasperated sigh, Cullen dropped his report on the desk. “What do you want?”

Alim’s mouth felt dry, he really should have thought of something to say before charging in here.

“Who are-?” Cullen, stepped around his desk still not really looking up at who had intruded on him. Finally, he did look up and instantly his annoyed expression changed to one of disbelief, his eyes opening wide and his mouth dropping open, “It can’t be…”

“Well, Leliana asked me to put in an appearance. And I thought we’d better meet in private first. Less awkward that way.” Alim finally found his voice when he realized that at least Cullen did recognize him.

Cullen stumbled backwards, stopping when he hit his desk. “Surana,” He said in awe as if he still couldn’t believe his own eyes.

The surname cut Alim to the core, they’d called each other by their surnames once, back before they’d even been friends really. Well, he rolled his shoulders, at least he knew where he stood with Cullen. Friends and barely that. It was enough, it wasn’t like he’d hoped for more.

“Well anyway, I’m glad you’re doing well, Rutherford.” Alim managed a small smile and a nod, then quickly turned on his heel to leave.

“Wait.” Cullen lunged forward grabbing Alim’s elbow and stopping him. He looked flustered, and quickly let go of Alim as if he’d been burned. “I mean, please wait. Don’t go so quickly.”

Alim rubbed the spot on his elbow that Cullen had touched. Standing this close, he realized it hadn’t been his imagination, Cullen had grown taller in the past several years, he’d also added some width to his shoulders. He looked in as wonderful shape as ever, though it was a little hard to tell under the armor. His face wasn’t the smooth perfect skin of a teenager anymore, he had worry lines, scars, and yet somehow he was even more devastatingly handsome than he had been at nineteen.

Cullen was staring at Alim, clearly just as interested as Alim in checking the difference twelve years made.

“I can’t believe… After all this time… We looked for you.” Cullen mumbled.

There was another involuntary flutter of his heart when he heard Cullen had looked for him. “You looked for me?” Alim asked, annoyed at the hopeful sound in his voice.

“I ah… That is… The Inquisition looked for you. Well... and even before, the Divine had people looking for you. Everyone was hoping you could help sort this mess out.”

“Oh.” Alim’s heart sunk and he shook himself a little for being so foolish, “Well I had other matters on hand. You have the Herald. He’s led you quite well from what I’ve heard.”

“Yes. He’s remarkable.” Cullen smiled. His eyes were still tracing over Alim’s face.

Alim waited, hoping that Cullen might say something else, but Cullen didn’t speak and Alim was afraid to, lest he say something he regretted.

“Well, I had better find Leliana.” Alim said at last, unable to stay in silence any longer.

“No, please.” Cullen half reached to grab Alim again but stopped himself, a gloved hand curling as if he had to stop his fingers from acting of their own accord.

Alim paused, he raised a brow and waited for Cullen to speak, this meeting had been a total disaster.

“Maker…” Cullen ran a hand through his hair and looked around the room. “I could really use a drink.” He looked at Alim hopefully. “Can we have a drink?”

Alim nodded, drinking sounded good. “Sure.”

Cullen nodded but simply stood, still staring at Alim.

“Drinks?” Alim prodded him with a small smile.

Cullen nodded, “Right!” He quickly whipped around and produced a bottle of wine from his desk. He pulled out one glass and then began opening and closing drawers.

“Something wrong?” Alim asked, he was still debating if he shouldn’t simply run while he had the chance.

“Only one glass,” Cullen said as he glanced around the floor, “I suppose I could get another one sent. No, that would just alert Leliana no doubt. Although, how did you get here without her pouncing on you? I suppose I should get locks for the doors but I’m afraid I don’t have any.”

Alim had to smile at the stammering, at least that habit was the same. He was going to outright laugh if Cullen kept it up. It was pleasant to see how some things never changed.

“Found another.” Cullen picked up a glass that had a sticky mess all down one side. Cullen grimaced at it, wiping the cup on his coat. “I’ll take this one.”

Alim poured them both a drink. He sat up on the desk and Cullen took his chair.

“Ferelden?” Cullen asked, holding up his glass to toast.

“Ferelden.” Alim agreed, clinking his glass on the non-sticky side of Cullen’s glass.

He took a swig, half the small glass drained in his mouth. He was left sputtering after his drink. “Maker's breath, Cullen! What kind of poison are you drinking?!”

Cullen laughed, his glass was already empty and he was pouring himself another. “It’s the reject bottles from the cellar. The ones Dorian won’t touch.”

“Dorian is the Tevinter right?” Alim drained his glass and held it out for a refill since Cullen was also having a second glass.

“That’s right. Damn snob, but not a bad sort really.”

“He’s a mage you know.” Alim said before he could stop himself. However, after he realized what he’d said he flushed, “Sorry. Forget I said that.”

Cullen shook his head, “I’m glad you did. Look, I need to tell you something.” He looked up at Alim with a sad expression.

Alim’s heart was pounding, but that could be the terrible wine. “What?”

“The things I said were... unkind. Untoward. I regret them now. I hope you know that.”

Alim drained his second glass. “Let me ask you a question. Do you even remember what you said?”

Cullen finished his glass and poured them both a third, the bottle was already empty and he let it drop to the ground. Alim didn’t miss that Cullen’s hand shook when he poured. “Not really. Not exactly. I remember the gist of what I said, but everything is still a bit hazy.”

Alim sighed but he gave Cullen a comforting smile. “Then why apologize? If you don’t even know why you are saying sorry. Isn’t it better forgotten?”

Cullen tipped back his third glass in one go. “No!” He pulled open the bottom drawer and revealed a stash of several more bottles.

“Why?”

Cullen glanced up at Alim, “Because I know I hurt you. And you never came back, Alim. Sorry about calling you Surana, it’s just how I refer to you when talking with others. You’re still Alim to me.”

Alim’s heart skipped a beat or two and he quickly downed his third drink, trying to get a grip on himself. “It did hurt, Cullen. But I don’t hold it against you.”

Cullen sighed shakily and poured them more drinks. “I’ve always regretted it. I don’t know what I said. I can’t even recall you being there, not clearly anyway, just like a reflection on broken glass. However, I knew something was wrong. You didn’t come back to me.”

Alim licked his lips, his blood growing warm from the wine. “Did you wait for me?”

Cullen nodded solemnly, “I’ve always been waiting.”

Alim shifted uncomfortably under that gaze, those perfect pink lips telling him what he’d longed to hear. “I thought about going back. It wasn’t that I grew to hate you. I just realized that we had been much younger and more naive than we’d known.” He drained his drink again, already having lost track of the number.

Cullen laughed, “I agree with that. We were almost painfully naïve as I look back on it.” Cullen tossed his drink back.

Alim nodded, “And your opinions had changed and so had mine.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that in our time apart we both learned and experienced things  that changed us. Nevertheless, I had hoped you might make your way back to me sometime. Just so I could apologize, and somehow… Set things right between us.”

Alim shook his head, “We both had our own paths. What good could have come from going back?”

Cullen shrugged, “I don’t know exactly. I do know that I’ve waited for this day for a very long time.” He filled their glasses again.

Alim shook his head, growing afraid of the feelings pounding in his chest. It seemed that no matter how much time passed, Cullen would always be his weakness. “I shouldn’t have come.”

“Running scared, Hero?” Cullen challenged, the same playful smirk he’d get in his eyes years ago.

“No.” Alim’s pride felt ruffled at that comment. “Just common sense is beginning to object to this encounter.”

“Why?”

“Because old feelings between us are just that, old feelings. And the past is better left in the past.”

Cullen’s brows raised in surprise, “Feelings? I thought this was about putting things right I didn’t dare hope that you might still…”

Alim blushed, realizing he’d said too much. “Well like I said, they are old feelings.”

“You don’t have to be afraid. I would be sad if you could sit across from me and feel nothing.” Cullen paused and flushed a little, “I am certainly not indifferent.”

Alim’s heart warmed knowing that Cullen also felt something at least. Though of course, the warm could be the wine, they’d already drunk far too much in a short amount of time.

“Cullen,” Alim said hesitantly.

Cullen got to his feet, hands on his desk on either side of Alim, their faces close. All it would take was a tiny motion on either side. Alim’s eyes darted back and forth across Cullen’s face, the space between them was filled with their heat and a cautious hope.

 

The door flew open, a green hooded messenger walking into the room, “Commander, we’ve had some reports that…” The messenger looked at the two on the desk and turned beet red.

“Damn it, Jim! Shut the door,” Cullen bellowed.

Alim almost felt sorry for the little messenger as he scurried out the door. He took his chance to escape, climbing back over the desk and out of Cullen’s arms.

“You should find out what he wants,” Alim said softly, not meeting Cullen’s eyes.

“You don’t have to go,” Cullen said with a soft sigh.

Alim finally felt composed enough to look Cullen in the eyes. The blonde looked lost, his cheeks had a faint flush from the wine.

“I should talk with Leliana. I’ll be around Skyhold for a while, we can chat later.” Alim gave Cullen a little wave and then tried to not look like he was running for his life out of the tower.


	5. Something New

Despite his words to Cullen, Alim actively avoided being around the Templar. He was trying to avoid a lot of people actually. Morrigan apparently wanted to chew his ear off about this or the other thing, Leliana wanted to drink late into the night, and some annoying person named Blackwall kept trying to corner Alim for a conversation about the Wardens.

Alim had seen Cullen around of course, on the other side of the room, deep in conversation with someone. Their eyes would meet but they would both turned away. It was an odd dance almost. Sometimes Alim would find himself staring at Cullen, while he was running morning drilling for instance.

After years of living outdoors, Alim couldn’t sleep past the dawn anymore. He’d gone for a walk up on the battlements, enjoying the view of the mountains. The sound of someone drilling caught his attention and Alim turned toward the training area. Checking out the training ring he saw Cullen, running through some morning training on the dummies. He was alone in the field, not wearing the heavy fur mantel that Alim was used to seeing him in, but still wearing his heavy armor. Running through his personal drilling, Cullen looked relaxed the familiar motions made him look graceful on the field.

Before he knew it, Alim was staring at Cullen, entranced by the way he moved. After he’d drilled for a little while, he actually pulled off his heavy armor. His white linen shirt was sticking to his skin and he rolled his muscular shoulders, stretching as he cooled down. Alim’s eyes drank in the sight of him like that, running a hand through his damp curls in the dawn light.

Cullen’s eyes suddenly looked up and he saw Alim spying on him. Before Cullen could react Alim ran away with a little blush.

 

It was hard to distract Leliana from her work at first, she’d grown a lot more serious over the years. However, it wasn’t long before Alim coaxed her into walking with him and they talked and laughed together, their friendship strong as ever. One day while laughing with her a tree dropped several leaves on them, while laughing Alim felt a warm gaze on him. He looked around and saw Cullen watching him. He was too far away to judge what kind of expression he had, but the blonde turned and left right away. Alim’s cheeks flushed for some reason and he had trouble focusing on Leliana’s conversation after that.

 

After a week of catching gazes from across the room, Leliana had apparently had enough. She’d summoned Alim to her tower and was quizzing him about why he was avoiding Cullen.

 “I remember how much you loved him, and then when he was in the tower he broke your heart, I know. But isn’t it time to move on from that?”

“I have moved on.” Alim sighed.

Leliana made a dismissive noise and took another sip of wine. “No you haven’t. If you’d really moved on, then why do you avoid him?”

Alim avoided her gaze and looked at the letters on the desk. “Well, it’s still a little awkward.”

“More to the point, if you were over it then why did you come here at all?”

Alim’s gaze shot up, “You asked me to come!”

She smiled knowingly, “I asked you to come before. However, you always stayed away. This time though, you finally came. Why is that? What is the one thing that has changed?”

“Adamant,” Alim said firmly.

“Cullen is here,” Leliana said at the same time.

Alim scoffed at Leliana’s suggestion, “My dear friend, you could not be more wrong.”

“And you are in denial.”

Alim shook his head sadly, “It’s a nice dream but we are different people now. Not to mention we have responsibilities pulling us in different directions.”

“But you admit it is a dream of yours.” Leliana smirked.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “You are relentless.”

“Only because you are in denial. Just talk to him, Alim,” she prodded.

“It wouldn’t change anything,” Alim said with a little sad smile. He wasn’t going to accept that he’d come here just for Cullen and he really wasn’t going to convince himself that he and Cullen could ever have anything of a relationship, friendly or otherwise. It would simply hurt too much to hope.

 

Leliana was determined to make Alim’s life hard however, it wasn’t long before she sent him with a message to deliver to Cullen. She claimed it was because she couldn’t trust it to a messenger but Alim highly doubted it. Of course, he could have refused her, but for some reason that Alim tried not to think about, he didn’t say no.

With a knock, he entered the tower that Cullen had taken as his office.

“Commander?” Alim said hesitantly and then regretted it, he should just call Cullen by his name.

A look around the room quickly established that there was no Cullen here. As he turned on his heel to leave Alim heard a man’s groan.

He paused with his hand on the door. “Cullen?”

“Who is it?” A groggy voice replied from above.

Alim stepped back into the room and looked up the ladder he’d seen the other day.

“It’s... Alim.” He stuttered on his own name, which was perfectly ridiculous and he’d have to scold himself for it later.

“Alim?” Cullen’s groggy voice cleared a little.

Alim had never been able to deny his curiosity so he climbed the ladder, peaking over the top.

It was the saddest little bedroom Alim had seen in a long time. The bed and nightstand were the only furnishings, Cullen’s clothes piled on the bed next to where he’d been sleeping. Not that he had much for clothes, actually, Alim was staring at him and realized the man was sitting up in bed, wearing no clothes at all.

With a blush, Alim ducked down and avoided looking at Cullen. “Sorry, I had a note from Leliana for you.”

Cullen muttered something. He got up and moved around, the sounds of getting dressed followed. Alim heard the door open; he quickly scurried up the rest of the ladder and sat on the floor of the loft.

“What-” Cullen started to say before there was the sound of giggling voices entering the room.

The Inquisitor and Sera were laughing like naughty children as the came into Cullen’s office. Alim glanced to Cullen but he was still struggling to get a shirt over his head.

“So, what are we going to do to prank him?” The Inquisitor asked Sera. Neither of them had noticed the two people up in the loft.

Alim grinned, so that was what they were up to, sounded like a fun idea to Alim. Cullen crouched silently next to Alim, watching the two as they wandered around his desk.

The pranksters rigged the desk and left the room in peals of laughter.

 

“Why did you run up here when the door opened?” Cullen didn’t move and Alim could feel their shoulders practically touching.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, “I just thought I didn’t want to be caught or something. Why didn’t you stop them?”

It was Cullen’s turn to shrug, “Well if it makes them happy.”

Alim laughed a little in disbelief, “You are going to fix it though right?”

Cullen smiled, “Sure I will, after a day or two, I can’t spoil the joke for them.”

For a moment, Alim was surprised but then he broke into peals of laughter and Cullen joined him. Shoulder to shoulder they laughed for a moment, sharing the joke.

“Why didn’t we ever try something like that in the Circle?” Alim chuckled.

“Oh, we were far too well behaved,” Cullen said with mock seriousness.

“Right.” Alim bumped Cullen’s shoulder. “The mage and Templar lovers were too well behaved to pull a few pranks.”

Cullen chuckled, breaking into a smile, “Well maybe I should say we were far too busy breaking other rules.”

Alim flushed a little, “Good point. We were pretty distracted.”

Cullen gave him a real, wide smile and nodded. For a time they were both lost in their memories of the past, not able to break eye contact.

Another knock at the door, this time by a green hooded messenger broke the moment they were sharing. Cullen climbed down to greet the messenger. From the sound of it, it was the same person who disturbed them the other day. Alim wasn’t sure if he was pleased that Jim kept bothering them or if he was perturbed.

Alim waited until Jim was gone before climbing down. If Jim saw him it would undoubtedly get back to Leliana that Alim was up in Cullen’s bunk.

 

The next two weeks, Alim and Cullen spent a good deal of time with one another. They didn’t really talk about the past again, instead their conversation was on the present. Cullen shared his troubles about his lyrium addiction, Alim told him about the false Calling and the dread he’d felt for a time.

It was remarkable, sitting across from Cullen playing chess or walking along the battlements together, it all felt like a dream. Alim could hardly believe that after all this time they were able to talk together so naturally. There was still a lingering attachment of course, but Alim was more surprised by the feelings he felt for the current Cullen.

In some ways, Cullen was still the sweet, bumbling, stuttering Templar who’d wooed Alim. However, he had changed. And the ways in which he’d changed, Alim was more than a little attracted to. He appreciated Cullen’s pragmatism, the way he still cared deeply about others but didn’t let his personal feelings get in the way.

 

The library at Skyhold was wonderful to Alim. He missed books more than anything else from his life back in the Circle. Apparently, each member of the Inquisition had worked to add more books to the collection to there were a wide range of topics, perfect for a book addict like Alim.

The familiar step of armor made Alim turn, Cullen approached him with a little shy smile.

“I was looking for a novel to indulge in.” Alim said running his fingers over the spines of a few books near Dorian’s corner of the room.

Cullen nodded, “There are a few good ones here, Cassandra picks most of them out.”

“Have you read them as well?” He couldn’t really picture Cullen reading any of the romance novels that Alim was seeing.

The blonde shrugged a little, “Well they are a good form of distraction.” He admitted, looking away. He’d told Alim about trying to overcome lyrium addiction and his struggles.

Alim nodded in understanding, “That makes sense.” His eyes scanned the spines of the books, “This one certainly sounds distracting,” he pulled it off the shelf, ‘Why the Templar kneels’.

Cullen plucked the book out of Alim’s hands quickly, “Not that one.” He said urgently.

Looking up in surprise Alim was shocked to see a bright blush on Cullen’s face. “Why are you blushing? Is this one of Varric’s? Did he base it off of you?” Alim’s lips twisted in a little smirk.

Dorian appeared, stepping behind Cullen and took the book from the Templar, examining it, “This isn’t one of Varric’s. It’s a decade old at least. Total trash. Good trash, but trash.” The Tevinter smiled, “I’m surprised you read such things Commander.” Dorian teased.

Cullen looked mortified, “I haven’t read it,” His amber eyes flicked nervously to Alim, “Well, not in a long time.”

Understanding finally dawned on Alim and he gasped, “Is that the book?” He shouted excitedly. That night they’d had together in the tower Cullen had mentioned a book he’d studied to give him some clues to prepare for sex. Alim had never had a chance to read the book of course, but he wanted to now.

“No.” Cullen said firmly, firmly enough that Alim wasn’t fooled.

“Dorian, give me the book.” Alim held his hands out.

“Do not!” Cullen tried to take the book back from Dorian.

Dorian held the book to his chest and eyed the two suspiciously. “Something is going on here and I want to know what it is.”

“I’ll tell you if you give me that book!” Alim promised.

“No!” Cullen pointed his finger at Alim, and then he pointed the other at Dorian, “No.” He said firmly to the Tevinter.

The dark haired man seemed to be weighing his options for a moment. He stepped back from the two of them, keeping the book out of their grasp by holding it away from him.

A flash of purple swooped by and the book was whisked from Dorian’s hands. With a little giggle, Leliana ran up the staircase to her tower.

Alim and Cullen both took off after Leliana, chasing her down. They were stuck for a moment in the doorway, both trying to fit up the narrow staircase. By the time they got to the top of the tower, she was gone. Both of them searched for her, running from one end of Skyhold to the other but she was gone.

That evening she reappeared but claimed ignorance about the novel, much to Cullen’s relief and Alim’s annoyance.

 

Since both were early risers, Cullen and Alim enjoyed quiet walks together before the rest of the castle was awake. They walked the battlements together; today neither of them spoke much, they were simply enjoying a moment’s peace.

“Look at that.” Alim pointed out a hawk making lazy circles in the sky. The beauty of the mountains washed over him. “This place is truly beautiful.”

Cullen looked to where Alim pointed. “You’re right of course. I’m glad you’re around to show me.”

Alim leaned on the wall and looked at Cullen with a smile. “What do you mean? Can’t you see it for yourself?” He joked.

Cullen shook his head and spoke a little sadly. “I don’t know. I forget to look at the scenery. I look out at a scene like this and think about the defenses and what the snowfall will do to the trade routes.” He gave Alim a little smile. “I’m glad you are here to remind me to look up and appreciate the scenery.”

Alim flushed a little, “Well I’m not good with practical details. I probably need someone around to remind me of things like defenses and where my next meal is coming from.” He’d been trying to comfort Cullen, telling him that he wasn’t the only one who saw what he wanted to see.

Cullen smiled widely, “So we go well together then.”

Alim nodded, he realized that is exactly what he’d said without intending to. “Maybe we do,” he agreed softly.

The wind picked up and blew around them for a moment but neither of them noticed the chill. With a little hesitation, Cullen reached out for Alim, stroking a hand through Alim’s hair. Alim’s heart pounded, he was totally lost in the warm amber gaze. Unconsciously, he leaned forward into Cullen.

Cullen drew his hand back, twirling a small feather. “This was in your hair,” he chuckled.

“Oh, of course.” Alim shook himself, he didn’t know what he’d been thinking. “Thank you.”  

Cullen let the feather go in the breeze, it flew off over the battlements and out over the mountains, the two of them watching it go free in a tender silence.

 

Sensing danger to his wounded heart, Alim began making plans to leave.


	6. Take a Chance

Alim packed his few possessions and prepared to leave Skyhold. He had done just about as much politicking as he could stand. He’d won the few alliances he’d come here to get. He’d also schooled everyone who stood still long enough why the Inquisitor’s choice to keep the Grey Wardens was the right one.

More importantly, the aching heart he’d carried for years had finally had a chance to heal. Meeting Cullen again had been wonderful and Alim hadn’t even realized how badly he’d needed the chance to talk to his old love. The past had been finally cleansed and Alim could move on.

The time on the battlements had spooked him; apparently, somewhere deep down, he had wanted Cullen to kiss him at that moment. He wanted to leave before anything else could happen. The last thing he needed was to end up carrying a one-sided romance for Cullen again, so soon after being cured of the last one.

 

A knock at the door surprised Alim, it was well after most of Skyhold was asleep.

“Come in,” Alim allowed. His brows shot up when Cullen came into the room.

“Sorry for the late hour but I wanted to talk with you.” He came into the room and shut the door behind him. He glanced at Alim’s bag on the chair, already packed and ready to go. “So you are leaving,” he said sadly.

Alim rubbed the back of neck, feeling guilty. “I was thinking of heading out in the morning. I didn’t want to make a fuss. How did you guess?”

Cullen gave him a strange, almost sad look. “I know you well enough to guess.”

The elf looked at the floor, he didn’t know how to reply to that.

Cullen stepped further into the small room until he was just an arm span away from Alim. “You ran away from me once. I had to be told the next day that you had gone and it was one of the worst moments of my life. Don’t do it again, Alim. Please.”

“I-” Alim was surprised at Cullen’s reaction, they hadn’t talked about Alim being forced to leave the Circle before. “I didn’t run from you. I was forced to leave the tower.”

Cullen nodded, “I figured as much. However, the point stands. Sneaking out in the night…” He half reached for Alim before stopping himself  

“I know, but I need to for my own sake. It’s a self-preservation thing.” He gave Cullen a weak smile.

That admission was all the invitation Cullen needed, he put a hand on either of Alim’s shoulders. “I can accept that you have to go. But promise me you will come back.”

Alim sighed, he ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Cullen made a frustrated noise, “Don’t tell me that I’m the only one who thought these past weeks…”

“No, you’re not the only one,” Alim flushed a little, he’d tried to tell himself that it was only him and Cullen hadn’t noticed. “But what good can come from it? We’re both too old and wise to rush into something just because it feels good.”

Cullen made a dismissive noise, “Too old? You make it sound like we are ancient.”

Alim smiled, “Then compared to before, we are older and wiser.”

The blonde smiled back, “Yes we are. Which is why I’m not letting you slip away again, not without letting you know how much I wish you would stay.”

Maker help me, Alim thought, he’d always been weak to that smile.

“I don’t think I can take another heartbreak,” Alim said softly.

“Neither can I,” Cullen agreed, “so say you’ll come back and neither of us will go through that again.”

Alim smiled, maybe it was the lingering foolish part of his heart, but he couldn’t really refuse Cullen, especially not when he was saying the things that Alim had longed to hear for years.

With a slight tremble, he raised up on his toes and gave Cullen a light kiss, barely caressing his mouth. For a moment neither one of them moved, Alim looking into Cullen’s eyes, their lips almost touching.

 

The next moment they were kissing, Cullen’s mouth eagerly exploring Alim’s. Everything felt so similar but so different. They kissed hotly, both of them almost desperate suddenly, as if they could make up for lost time. Alim wrapped his arms around Cullen’s neck, their height difference meant Cullen was probably going to break his back soon. The elf swung his legs around Cullen’s waist, climbing up the taller man. Cullen’s hands cupped under Alim’s butt, holding him snuggly, they didn’t break their kiss while they moved.

When they finally pulled back for a breath Alim noticed Cullen’s soft eyes had darkened with desire. He pressed his forehead against Alim’s for a moment before moving his mouth to Alim’s neck.

Alim’s legs clenched around Cullen’s waist, it had been far too long since he’d felt this way. He ran his fingers through Cullen’s precious blonde curls, noticing that Cullen moaned softly when he did. Alim wished he remembered enough of that night years ago to know if Cullen had always been sensitive on his scalp.

Deft fingers made quick work of Cullen’s furry mantle, it fell to the ground and Cullen raised a brow at Alim for a moment. Alim answered him with a smirk.

Cullen chuckled and kissed Alim’s lips again. Clothes went flying after that, the small room became littered with various articles from the both of them. It ended with Alim on his back on the bed, Cullen stripping him of his last garment while he already stood totally nude.

“So you still don’t wear small clothes?” Alim asked with a breathless smile.

Cullen laughed, “So you remember that? No, I never have.”

 

Alim couldn’t help but compare the body above him with the one in his memory. Cullen was in some ways very similar, the same lovely broad shoulders, tan skin, and dreamy smile. However, he was even more muscular now than he had been in the past, his skin was no longer the smooth teenager’s skin, it had seen battles and came out looking even better than he had before. Alim sat up and ran his palms greedily over Cullen’s torso, grinning up at Cullen.

The blonde touched Alim’s hands, rubbing down his arms, “I remember your skin was so smooth and soft.” He said, thumbing over a few of Alim’s own scars.

“Well I’d never been outside the tower.”

Cullen smiled, “We’ve both changed since then.” He brought Alim’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his palm. “Which is probably for the best.” He added with a twinkle in his eye.

Alim blushed a little when Cullen kissed his palm, somehow that felt startling more intimate than sitting naked in front of him.

“Some things are still the same.” Alim said with a little smile, “You’re still far too charming.” He teased.

Cullen laughed and put a knee on the bed, climbing over Alim, “And you are still too captivating.” He kissed Alim, pushing him down on the bed. Their hands were still clasped together and Cullen pressed their hands above Alim’s head. Alim took his free hand and explored Cullen’s back, feeling every part of his warm skin.

They were both growing hard and wanting, ever kiss and caress sending a higher wave of arousal through Alim. His brain hadn’t caught up with the situation thankfully, so Alim was simply delighting in the joy of being under the only person he’d loved.

“Alim, I…” Cullen stuttered, “That is to say… I…”

Alim smiled, “That’s something that really hasn’t changed. You still get hopelessly tongue tied.”

Cullen flushed a little but cracked a small smile, “Only around you.”

That comment made Alim go beat red, blushing furiously.

“And you’re still the same,” Cullen teased, “Very susceptible to flattery.” Cullen kissed a bright red cheek.

“What were you trying to say though?” Alim said a little breathlessly, his insides still felt full of butterflies for some reason.

Cullen kissed him, avoiding the question for a moment. He pulled back a little, leaning on one elbow over Alim, “I was trying to say…” He took a steadying breath, “That for me, it’s always been just you. Only you. I’ve never loved or had anyone else.”

Even though Alim considered himself a level headed person these days, tears were definitely threatening. He squeezed Cullen’s hand, “It’s the same for me.” He agreed with a watery smile.

He pulled Cullen down for another kiss, wrapping his legs around Cullen’s waist. They were grinding against each other, both growing harder.

“Alim?” Cullen said between kisses.

“I’m on it.” Alim said, guessing what Cullen was talking about. He got off the bed for a moment and rummaged in his pack. Greater Warmth Balm was actually found pretty commonly throughout Thedas and had a variety of uses, lube was one of them.

Cullen accepted the little jar with a smile, “Remember that you didn’t even know what it was for?”

Alim blushed as he laid back down on the bed, “Shush, you. I could mention a few things that you probably don’t want to be reminded of.”

Cullen held up his hands in surrender, “Fair enough.”

A little shyly, Alim spread his legs again so Cullen could kneel between them. In Alim’s mind the image kept overlapping with the scene from years past.

They kissed softly while Cullen started fingering Alim open. It felt better than it had that first time, but some of that was probably that they were both far less nervous than they’d been before. Now it felt natural and relaxed to be together like this, they were endangering their lives for one night together.

Alim shivered in delight underneath Cullen, he gasped when Cullen found the bundle of nerves and he dug his fingers into Cullen’s strong arms. Cullen kissed him a little harder, reacting to Alim’s increased pleasure.

Cullen shot him a quick smile and then started kissing his way down Alim’s chest. He licked Alim’s nipples for a moment, sucking on the hard buds before moving on lower. When he dipped his tongue in Alim’s bellybutton the elf’s toes curled.

“You’re not going to…?” Alim said a little shakily.

The blonde smiled, “I was planning on it, I wanted to back then but was too impatient. Is that alright?”

Alim nodded happily, not trusting his voice. He balled his fists in the sheets when Cullen licked a trail up Alim’s hot cock. His wet mouth closed over Alim’s length and Alim ran his fingers through the soft blonde curls while Cullen patiently worked Alim open.

“Cullen, stop for a minute.” Alim said urgently.

Cullen pulled off, “What?”

“I’d rather come with you instead of by myself.” Alim said with a little blush.

“Then you’re ready?” Cullen asked a little breathlessly.

Alim smirked, he pushed Cullen’s shoulder, “Lean back for a minute.”

With a little frown Cullen did as he was bid, waiting for an explanation.

“Now, sit back.” Alim arranged Cullen how he wanted, with Cullen sitting on the bed with his legs in front of him. Alim climbed into Cullen’s lap, his knees on either side of Cullen’s thighs.

Cullen smiled as he realized what Alim intended, he kissed Alim deeply, his tongue sliding along Alim’s own.

Steading his breath, Alim put his hands on Cullen’s muscular shoulders and slowly sank deeply onto Cullen’s length. The blonde kissed his neck and whispered encouraging words as Alim dropped to the hilt and then let his body adjust to the intrusion.

Alim kissed him softly and then started moving, gently rocking his hips up and down a little. He slowly picked up speed as it became easier to move. They kissed breathlessly, Cullen and Alim moving together, working toward their mutual pleasure.

 

Afterwards, they lay in bed together, facing each other, limbs still entwined.

“So you have to go?” Cullen said at last.

Alim nodded slowly, “Yes. And you’re leading your troops out on your own mission.”

Cullen kissed him softly, “It’s like you said, we are being pulled in opposite directions.”

They kissed leisurely, both enjoying the comfort of the moment.

“This time though, we’ll find one another afterwards right?” Cullen ran his hands gently through Alim’s hair.

“Yes.” Alim promised, “I’m not going to give up again.”

Cullen smiled, “I wouldn’t let you.”

Alim kissed Cullen, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Slowly they both started to drift off to sleep. “Cullen? Do you need to be gone before sometime raises the alarm that the Commander is missing?” Alim asked, suddenly concerned.

The blonde chuckled, “That would really spoil your easy exit.”

Alim rolled over to his stomach and leaned up on his elbows, “Oh I don’t know, all that commotion… It might be easy to slip out.”

Cullen sat up, “No way. If I go down I’m taking you with me.”

Alim laughed, both of them smiling at one another.

“I still am going to keep my promise.”

“To not let me give up?” Alim asked, sitting up and putting his arms around Cullen’s neck.

“Well that one. But also, if you remember, I swore years ago that I would get a full night with you. I intend to keep that promise next time.”

Alim smiled, he did remember now that Cullen mentioned the promise. He kissed Cullen lightly, “Please do.”

With a little grumble, Cullen got to his feet and put his clothes back on.

“I can’t help but feel that as soon as I walk out that door…” Cullen said sadly, not even finishing his sentence.

“I’ll come back.” Alim promised, “You may have to remind me why I came back but I will.”

Cullen smiled and bent over to kiss Alim who was still sitting on the bed, “I’ll remind you as many times as it takes that I love you.”

“I love you too.” Alim sealed his vow with a kiss.

 

The next morning was drizzly and grey when Leliana attended the Inquisitor at the war table.

“It seems the Hero left in the night.” She reported.

The Inquisitor was stunned and Cassandra looked angry, making a disgusted noise. Cullen on the other hand, was suspiciously quiet.

“Are your scouts tracking him? We cannot lose him again.” Cassandra demanded.

“They are trying but I doubt they will be successful.” Leliana knew too well how good her friend was at avoiding her people.

“Did he leave a note or anything?” The Inquisitor asked.

“No.” Josephine said sadly.

“ The only thing my people found left in his room was a runestone.” Leliana added.

“A runestone?” Cullen perked up, no longer able to hide his interest.

“That is correct.” Leliana purposely moved on, “At any rate, we will have to do without him again.”

“So about the situation in the Arbor Wilds...” Cassandra started, pulling out a report of her own.

“Wait a moment,” Cullen said urgently.

Cassandra paused at the unexpected interruption.

“Was there something else?” The Inquisitor asked.

“Well…” Cullen cleared his throat a little. “What rune was it?”

Leliana smiled a little when Cullen couldn’t hide his interest, “Oh I’m not sure, I gave it to Dagna as I didn’t see any importance in the object.”

The Inquisitor hid a smile, he was always quick on the uptake, “Leliana…” He said with a little disapproving tone.

Leliana took the rune out of her pocket, “It’s ‘valiance’, though what the importance of that is, I am uncertain.”

Cullen held his hand out and Leliana passed him the stone.

“If you are quite done mooning about, I’d like to get back to the matter of the Temple?” Morrigan huffed.

Cullen ran his fingers over the writing in the stone, holding it tight. With a smile, that Leliana didn’t even knew he possessed, he put it in his pocket and turned his attention back to Morrigan.

“Yes, it’s finally time to move and put an end to this madman.” Cullen said with a passion that Leliana guessed was entirely motivated by the gift the Hero had left.

 

 

It was later that week while digging through his pack for a potato that must have fallen to the bottom, Alim found something that shouldn’t be there. An eyebrow raised he pulled out a book from the bottom of his bag. He grinned when he saw it was ‘Why the Templar kneels’.

“Oh Leliana, you are my favorite.” Alim eagerly opened the book, excited to finally read it. A small note fell out of the pages, Alim set the book down and opened the note.

 

_After we hunted for Leliana all day today she found me and gave me this book. I’m surprised she did, I would have sworn she’d use it for blackmail at some point, maybe you being at Skyhold has made her go soft._

_I changed my mind, you should read this. I hope it makes you smile and remember me fondly. I’m putting this in your bag as soon as I get the chance, I wouldn’t be surprised if I woke up one morning to find you gone. Maybe if you read this you’ll even find an inspiration to come back to me. -Cullen_

 

Alim read the note several times, smiling and shaking his head in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that Cullen had given him this book a while back. Moreover, there was the sweet note, even before their night together Cullen had wanted him to come back.

Still grinning Alim opened the book, starting the story. He was certainly going to be back in Cullen’s arms soon and he was going to bring up something from the book during their reunion.


End file.
